What Was Lost

Motoko was silent for a moment. "...Yes and no. There are androids with A.I., but they did not have a ghost. A soul. They were a computer program and nothing more. They could mimic true human emotion fairly well, but that was about it. However.... there were the Tachikoma. An A.I. controlled unit of walker tanks. They had a shared A.I. that was synchronized every night, so they shared memories. Despite this... they had distinct personalities that were never intended, and over time, they not only developed sapience, but ghosts. THey were created machines, that developed souls." She chuckled a bit.

"I doubted it at first, but I can't deny it now. They abandoned their posts and orders so they could protect me and my team. They sacrificed the satellite that controlled their A.I. to prevent a nuclear disaster. That should have destroyed them completely, yet their ghosts are still here. I've always been rather pragmatic about things, but things change. The Tachikoma are proof that just because something is a machine, doesn't mean it is 'false' or that it doesn't have a soul."

Xelena listened to what Motoko had to say in silence, not interrupting her as she spoke. It wasn't something new to her. The Nalga believed the Alphalim and some of the more advanced AI had true sapience and thought. She always thought Cecil herself was the same way. She had originally been used to assist in various ships, ranging from from miltary grade to cruise liners. The fact she had developed this on her own was a bit surprising, but not completely unheard of.

I see. But if something can mimic 'true emotion' very well what makes it any different? It seemed the question was more of pondering 'outloud' then anything else. I'm probably thinking too hard about it. Even with an advance computer brain, sometimes I feel.. She tried to think of the words, mulling them over. Sometimes I feel as if there's so much I'll never know, but I guess that's no different from anyone else.

Xelena decided she needed a walk. She didn't want to return just yet. So with that in mind she left the hotel and headed towards the nearby city. Maybe she'd also find something to do or bump into somebody she knew already.

As normal, the place was busy as expected around this time of the day and considering how large it was. Various races went about their business. Xelena could pick up the different ones from her scanner; Alusarian, human, Arkon, and many others. She could of sworn she also picked up somebody with a bit of Sayain in them, not likely but not out of the question either.

Take for example, that.

To the right were some preteens playing with a ball. The computer part can calculate the best angle, and that if they shifted their feet just a few inches from now, it would improve their performance by at least thirty percent.

While Xelena went on, the children continued playing, before the mother came out seeming to scold one of them about something. She didn't get the details; it sounded like they had been skipping school.

But I couldn't tell you the reaction of the mother or boy would be. I couldn't tell you exactly the reaction would be other things, in different situations. If I knew them personally and well enough I could at best make educated guesses in what they would do or react to things said or different situations.

That's the funny thing about sapient beings. They're consistently inconsistent at different times.

..True. Xelena conceded that point, she didn't have any arguments to it nor did she really want too. Motoko did have a point. While this wasn't something new and had been told to her during her time with the Nalga to recent, to hear it from someone else who was more or less completely non organic helped a lot. Someone who had also struggled with thoughts and feelings of her own sapience.

She felt like getting something to eat. Not that she needed to eat, but she liked the taste. With that in mind, she went to go get something to eat. Ice cream was actually something originally coming from earth, but since it being discovered and brought to Alus, it had become something of a craze before things died down and it became normal. The samething had happened when pizza was first introduced. If there was one other thing earth was good at; it was making very interesting types of food unique only to their.

As Xelena got something's to eat, waiting in line, she still continued conversations with Motoko. She could multi-task far easier then a normal person due to what she was.

It's a bit far off, but do you plan on heading back to earth once you get back your body? It's different from yours, but at least its more familar then Alus is.

Makes sense. Xelena paid for her ice cream; a mint flavor. She had taken a liking to it ever since she tried it the first time back when she visited earth with Maya back a few months ago. After she was done eating, having nothing else to do in the city for the moment, she decided to head back to the hotel. It was a bit on the slow side today, but maybe tomorrow.

When she got back to her hotel room, she simply went to bed.

* *

Xelena didn't know where she was, only vaguely recognizing a ruined city. It seemed advance, but she didn't know what it was; not resembling Alus, Eldarian or even Alus technology All around her were ruins, but there was no signs of people or life anywhere. Her scanners didn't pick up any bio signs either; and judging by the smoke there was still some fire in the background.

She continued walking, trying to find out what was going on, when she..noticed something.

Looking up slowly, Xelena saw someone she thought was long dead, her body froze and even the computer in her brain seemed to freeze for a moment. Standing on top of one of the half crumbled buildings was Varia, but something was wrong. It was in the face. There was no expression and her eyes were completely black with no pupils.

'Varia' jumped from her perch, landing on the ground hard enough to crack it. "Alpha." That instant, Xelena knew what the thing really was. The multiple voices talking at once, the strange appearance.

Old One.

Xelena didn't think of what was going on for long, sliding into a defensive stance while Varia made no attempt to approach further. "What did you do?"

"It as told as it is apparent, Alpha." They said, seeming to ignore her question. "The Vana life forms were given the gift of Nirvana, and thus becoming complete and whole."

Xelena wanted to say more, tried to. However, the creature suddenly moved far too fast for her to catch, grabbing her by the throat and began slowly crushing. She didn't need to breath, that wasn't the problem. The problem was if her head was destroyed, she would end up dying.

"Do not despair Alpha. Without the Nalga or your kind's flawed existence getting in the way, we shall bring a true purpose and wholeness for everyone. You cannot, unfortunately, join Nirvana with the others due not being able to being compatible. Rest now." Xelena felt the grip tightening as a strange energy formed-

..Only for two booted feet to slam into the creature's face, making her release Xelena, and staggering her backward. Their assailant swept the creatures' legs out from under them and, while they were falling, they recieved a standing side kick that sent them flying several feet back. This was followed by several shots from a gun, that actually pierced the creature in Varia's form. Xelena's rescuer stood, and sighed. "Well, that won't work again, since now you know it's me." The Major turned to Xelena, helping her up. "Your mind will automatically reorganize, since realistically, I wouldn't be able to do that to this 'Varia' person. Or whoever it's supposed to actually be." She looked Xelena over, since this was the first time they could technically physically interact, even if it was a dream.

"Xelena, you shouldn't even be having trouble with dreams, you're intelligent enough to know that... then again, even the most intelligent people tend to miss the most obvious things... over thinking things."

Xelena felt herself released, getting to her feet quickly as she took in what just happened. Motoko, and she actually overpowered the Old One that had been using the form of Varia, knocking them away. From her memories she had gotten, she had a good idea of the Major's limitations and power, she wouldn't have been able to do that, and certainly not that easily.

She was right. This was a dream. "..You're right." She turned to where 'Varia' had landed, the bullet holes not healing up when they should have. If this was a dream, then it meant she and by proxy the Major were only as strong as she wanted them to be. Xelena didn't show it, but she was mad at this thing for taking Varia's form.

"You're not Varia. If you were, even like this we would have ended up losing."

"It does not matter." They got up from the wrecked debris. "I'll destroy you both."

Xelena watched as angel-like sprouted from the beings back as they took into the air, two Gatling guns appeared--the size too large for a normal human to appear. A loud whrriling sound echoed in the dead city as it started off, bullets roughly half the size Xelena's arm came raining down. They destroyed the ground and destroyed nearby buildings of reinforced advanced steel as if they were made of tissue paper.

Still, Xelena held, the bullets seeming to 'ping' off her shields. "This is why I know its a dream. But since it is.." Xelena's arm changed, turning into a large cannon as she pointed it at 'Varia'. Green energy formed around the cannon, becoming louder as seconds later a massive energy beam came forth, engulfing the creature before it could flee. The result was an explosion strong enough to crumble some of the weaker, damaged buildings.

"That was for taking Varia's form." Xelena's hand switched from a cannon to a normal one, looking at it for a moment. She hadn't had that weapon in a long time, further proof it was a dream besides the obvious. She turned to Motoko. "..Thank you. I shouldn't be surprised you could enter my dreams like this..or more of a nightmare in this case.." She rubbed the back of her head.

Motoko smiled, nodding. "Just don't forget this. It's your mind, your dreams, so it's entirely under your control. I'm not, but that is only because I'm not part of your dream." She glanced around, thinking. "Considering how this is, though... hm, how good are you at retaining information from your dreams?"

"Fairly good. I can recall a lot of my memories in good detail, unless I purposely get rid of them. Part of having a computer for a brain; your memory is better but you remember things you'd rather forget too." Xelena turned to the ruined city. "..I don't know if there's any importance to this city, I don't remember seeing one like it. Maybe there's nothing important to it and I'm over thinking."

Motoko crossed her arms, looking around. "Dreams generally come in three varieties. Memories, fiction, or in rare cases, prophetic dreams. If you don't recognize the city, then it's from one of the other two categories. Possibly a completely made up city, or a blend of ones from your past, or even one you will one day see. It's hard to say. Anyway, the reason I asked about how well you retain memory of dreams, is because your dreams are a good way for us to talk and learn from eachother, without outside distraction. I'll enter your dream and remind you that it is indeed a dream if needed, and you can alter it as needed for us to be able to talk."

"I appreciate it." Xelena said sincerely the Major's words. She was starting to see that wisdom and intelligence in Motoko first hand. Xelena knewintellectually it was there the whole time, having seen her memories which was the closes thing to being there without actually being there. However, actually experiencing it was a whole other story.

She stood there for a long moment, silently contemplating something. "..I'm not sure when I'll wake up. But I think this scene could use a change of pace."

Gradually, the buildings and destroyed structures began to fade away as if they were never there in the first place. In its place stood another large city, but this time this wasn't ruined by fire and decay. Motoko would be reminded a bit of Alus, but the place seemed even more further along then they were. In front of them seemed to be a large, massive dome-like complex, it seemed important whatever it was in the distance.

Xelena seemed to watch the place with a mixture of sadness and something else. "This is the planet Ateth, how it was before in the city of Kalleth. This is where it started; where the Alpha were born. Where I was born." Even if this was just a dream, it felt..nice to revisit the past a bit even if it was bittersweet.

Motoko nodded slowly. "I see. Hm... why don't you show me around then? While you do, you can tell me a bit of how things were, about the Alpha, and who this 'Varia' person is."

Instead of answering verbally, Xelena began walking in one direction, towards the large dome-complex. There weren't any people about, but that was because Xelena had complete control over things. There were only going to be as many 'living' people in this dream scape that she allowed. Inside the building was highly advance technology, some of it seemed just to be background while others seemed a bit more important.

In far corner of a wall were a few statis pods, but there was nobody in them as they were closed.

"Idath Dysen was the head of the Alphalim project. There were about fourteen of us originally." A man, probably in his late twenties at the most appeared, by one of the pods as Xelena narrated. "Varia and Nilona Dysen were his daughters as were the rest of us."

Again, a image appeared. This time of a beautiful blue-haired woman, in some type of strange armor, and a darker skinned one that was somewhat similar. "That's Varia and Nilona. They're the ones I learned a lot of what I could do; a lot of the Alpha do have training before we actually go into real combat. It's true we have the 'technical' information in our heads, but there isn't a substitute for experience. Even for us."

Moments later, another beautiful woman appeared, followed by the other. The first seemed normal, if not a bit revealing clothing, while the later had armor of some kind and a strange sword. "And that is Aisis and Aurelia. This is..my family. Was." She corrected herself, knowing they were gone. Xelena thought about making them animate, even if they weren't real..just for a moment wouldn't hurt. But it just be an illusion. The people here could only be as 'real' as she could mimic them with her knowledge.

Xelena looked to where Varia and Nilona were at first. "Nilona and Varia were my older sisters, I looked up to them. It was the same with Aisis, and yes she is an Alpha. Aurelia on the other hand, she's an Nalga. She was in charge of 'fixing' us when we got hurt, or upgrading as needed. She was our mother. I didn't like needles and the other devices, but when she did it I didn't mind so much. She had a really comforting presence about her, I remember her being very gentle."

She turned to Idath's frozen form. "..Idath, he was our father. Nilona and Varia and the rest of us were his world; he was very protective of us." Xelena smiled very faintly. "..Not that it really stopped young men from asking them out anyway, if they were brave enough. Idath wasn't really strong, but considering the things he could make, it made sense some of the boys might of been intimidated what he might do to them if they over stepped their bounds."

Xelena walked over what seemed to be a computer, typing a few things on it before a hologram of the planet appeared. "The Alphalim were specifically made to fight Extra Dimensional Entities, or Cosmic Horrors as some call them; the less technical term. It's an category. Imagine beings with an alien mind-set, body shape and horrible power. Power alone to twist reality by their presence or bend it. Power to drive sentient beings mad with their aura alone. Beings that don't tire, or die as easily even if you destroy their physical body. They strongest had powers comparable to gods. All our powers and weapons go into resiting such powers and destroying these types of beings. Our energy for example doesn't just destroy; it can erase. The Old Ones, they were some of them."

The hologram was shut off after that. "But despite all this, when we weren't fighting, when it was just the little moments, the lull time in the war..if just for a moment we could pretend to live normal lives. And we were happy."

Motoko nodded a bit, smiling. "I see. Since Varia and Nilona had men interested in them, I take it the Alpha were treated as people by the Nalga, and not machines. That's good. Wonder if you ever had any success in the 'romance' department." She chuckled, then sighed softly, her smile slowly fading. "...Can I ask what happened to them, Xelena?"

Xelena didn't answer right away. She wasn't sure she wanted to continue,after all who wanted to talk about the death of their family? However, part of getting this off her chest felt like she was easing some burden off her shoulders if just for a little bit.

"Idath was the first in my circle to die. We still don't know what happened exactly, people think it was someone who wanted the designs of the Alpha and something else. When he died, it hurt, but it devastated Nilona and Varia. He was their father after all. I think Aurelia had feelings for him, I'm not sure. Nilona and Varia died in a fight with the Old Ones sometime later."

Xelena gave a heavy sigh. "When I was wounded, Aisis and Aurelia were in the medical bay. Normally, Alphalim can heal and regenerate on our own, but sometimes even that's not enough. It didn't help the Old Ones seemed to have found a way to slow the process down a bit. I wasn't as bad, so I ended up leaving soon. Then the place exploded when I left. I was right there, no one is quite sure who did it.." Xelena didn't continue for a moment, starring off into space. "One by one, the Alpha fell until I was the last one left. I was friends with the others to, but the ones I showed you..They were the ones I was closes too."

"Ateh was destroyed sometime early in the war, and along with Idath's death made it harder for more Alpha to be made. Today, I'm barely a fraction of what I once was." Xelena looked at her hands. "..Do you know what Xelena means in the Nalga langauge? It means 'friend' or 'protector' more or less. I didn't feel I lived up to the later one. Vaira means 'Bearer of Victory'."

Motoko closed her eyes, sighing. "Naively optimistic names. Possibly damaging, if the bearer of the name feels compelled to live up to it. Though, in war, sometimes that kind of optimism is what is needed. Seems to be the case here... I'm sorry for your losses, Xelena. It's hardly consolation, but at least you are not alone. You have your new family. Not better or worse, just different. Remember that. You have family, people who love you. That's a precious thing to have."

"That's true." Xelena smiled slightly. "Thanks. I guess I just needed to talk a bit and get this off my chest. Though..that goes both ways, all right? I know I got most of your memories if not all of them but if you still ever need to talk, then..I'm here."

She noticed the imagery beginning to shift, knowing it was a sign she was going to being waking up soon.

* *

Xelena woke up peacefully this time, her eyes opening up as she took in her room. She felt calmer then before, and a bit..relieved? She wasn't quite sure how to put it into words. Her family dying, she was thinking that was always going to hurt until the day she finally died. Now though, she felt while she had mostly did her best to moved past it, she had reached another block to putting the past behind her and moving on with her life.

After all, she was living proof her people's existence, what they stood for. If she simply kept her head in the sand, who else would be able to tell stories of something that had past long ago?

The young woman got up from her bed and started to get her hygiene done. Mom probably wasn't as busy today, hopefully. If she was real lucky, either one of the Kenzy's would visit, or maybe even Karin or Ignis. That was wishful thinking though, most likely.

Motoko greeted Xelena early that morning, and luckily, so did Maya, who came in shortly before Xelena was done with her morning routine, carrying two trays of breakfast foods. Surprisingly, she was wearing, of all things, a damn-near see-through nightie. "Morning, Xelena! I got in late last night, but my schedule is clear until this evening! And don't worry, I already know about Ms. Kusanagi."

This wasn't what Xelena was really expecting, she was wondering how she had gotten away with wearing that coming into her room. Then she decided that really didn't matter and gave her mom a hug, pulling away. "Good, I'm glad we can meet back up. Uh..who told you though? Cecil?"

While Xelena had heard Motoko, she wasn't sure how to really respond to that. She knew why her mother would be considered distracting, she was objectively a very beautiful woman by most(sane) standards. At least, as far as human-looking races went. After all, other races looked nothing like humans so they had a different standard of beauty. It was the eyes of the beholder, after all.

"Ah, I see. And we're fine. We haven't really done much, I just showed her around the nearby city the other day. That and we just talked." Xelena had to ask though. "..How did you get in here wearing that though?" She was of course referring to the nightie.

Maya just nodded, smiling, until Xelena asked her question, looking down at her attire. "Ah. You forgot that we have neighboring rooms?" This was true. Maya had no issue sharing with Xelena, but considering how late she sometimes got in, she hadn't wanted to wake Xelena, so had decided to get them neighboring rooms instead. "I simply checked to make sure the hall was empty. Beside's, I rented out this entire floor of the hotel for our privacy, so all I have to worry about is the staff, and the press sneaking around."

"Makes sense, I suppose... still, very distracting. I suppose you are used to it, but..."